How to Figure Out What You Really Want | Ashley Stahl | TEDxLeidenUniversity

The Kidnapping Incident and Emotional Impact
📌 The speaker's father received a kidnapping call while the speaker (Ashley) was believed to be held hostage, despite her actually being safe and working.
😢 The father, still grieving the recent loss of Ashley's older sister, immediately gave away his power out of fear and compliance, promising to pay a ransom.
🚨 The police were covertly alerted by the mother and met them at the bank, leading to the realization that the call was a scam when Ashley was put on the line.
💔 The father’s reaction upon hearing Ashley's voice was one of extreme trauma and breakdown, far surpassing his reaction to previous hardships like business failure or his daughter's death.

Self-Imprisonment and Fear-Based Living
🤔 The speaker developed compassion for the scammers, concluding they likely acted out of perceived necessity or lack of awareness of other options, mirroring self-imposed limitations.
🔗 Many people "kidnap themselves" from the lives they want by choosing paths (like majors or careers) solely based on the belief they are necessary for survival or meeting basic needs.
😨 Fear causes people to stop taking risks and leads to labeling choices as "practical" or "realistic" when they are actually driven by fear of criticism or failure.
🚫 When in fear, individuals give away their power and become disconnected from their true desires and identity.

The Three Steps to a "You-Turn" (Getting Out of Fear)
1️⃣ Self Audit: Honestly assess where you are holding yourself captive and acknowledge the truth, asking, "What do you know that you wish you didn't know?"
🏃‍♀️ Pain resulting from confronting the truth can serve as a trampoline to launch into the next stage of life if embraced.
🧘 Follow Your Freedom: Pay attention to what feels genuinely good to you by trusting your body's feedback, recognizing the gut as the "second brain."
💡 View career and life choices as experiments for self-expression rather than striving for unrealistic perfection.

Action and Clarity
📝 Joy Journaling: For 30 days, record moments that lit you up the most daily, noting patterns in the skill sets used when most inspired.
🎯 Clarity comes from engagement, not just thought; limbo is powerless. Action is required to achieve goals, overcoming perfectionism which masks fear of failure.
⚙️ To move forward, choose an item from your list that feels good, show up, receive feedback, commit, and be prepared to course-correct along the way.

Key Points & Insights
➡️ The father’s initial instinct to ask for his daughter was a clue that part of him knew the call was a scam, highlighting residual internal truth amidst fear.
➡️ The core of making a "you-turn" involves connecting to the truth, connecting to your body, and connecting to your joy.
➡️ Ask yourself: "Where am I kidnapping myself from the life that I really want?" and "How am I giving away my power just to meet my needs in the world?"

📸 Video summarized with SummaryTube.com on Jan 14, 2026, 08:23 UTC